The Last Call

 Last call January 18 Koshur Qalam - کآشُر قلم poetry prompt challenge poem by Dr. Koshy AV

I did not do that post-doc

I did not complete that French course

I learned nothing in the programming course

I did not learn swimming

or photography or hacking

or AI or Robotics or data science, crunching and analysis

I do not know how to type

I do not know how to ride a motorbike with clutch, gear etc.

I quit halfway through a course and fudged another one

Took six years to do my Ph.D

I did my job badly

I still have not completed that novel

I only write but don't know how to collect what I write and bring them out as a hundred books after editing them

They remain unpublished though some are classics

I did not go West, get the Pulitzer, Booker, or Nobel

Or in India win the Sahitya Akademi or JCB or anything

I did not become Mother Teresa

I didn't save lives like a doctor or build bridges like an engineer

I did not become a millionaire or billionaire or karodpati or a minister or win a paramvir chakra or padma vibhushan or Jnanpith,

all things within my reach but somehow, I did not want it.

Most of the people I helped were only using me

Not that I helped many people

I was bad at interpersonal relationships

I hurt everyone I knew

I am anti-human, a misogynist

and so they never liked me

I failed at love, marriage, sonship, and fatherhood

at being a sibling, a relative, a friend, a human being, or disciple

Not that I deserved better

being only one more sinner

of no consequence or significance to other human beings

The list goes on and on

Of failures

I tried and failed

I failed at pretty much everything

I fared pretty badly in life!

Now I hear the last call

I walk on the road

with my son

The dog barks at him

He turns and looks at me

I rush to him

He puts his hand in my hand

Oh, forgot to tell you he is neuroatypical and non-verbal

I feel something in me, at last

That words cannot express

He trusts me

At le/ast

It is clear

This is my "greatest reward"

I did not miss the bus

I got on at the last stop

I heard the last call

that got me home

This is my best work of art

My greatest reward is Reuel, a person, and those like him and that there are people who still love them and care and look after them and help out, not all the other things I did or did not do or was or was not.

Filled with gratitude, peace, and happiness.

Thank you, God.

(Inspired by Santosh Bakaya, who made me think on/of what my greatest reward is.)